I had another great write yesterday, and just as I was about to go teach, information started flooding in. It was hard to pull myself away from it, especially having so much coming through. Now finally 24 hours later I'm able to satisfy my heart by finishing this chapter.
As I was sitting and writing yesterday, something came through, a question.
I heard. “What was this part of your journey showing you?”
“Once you walk through all the karmic debts and residue hurts, and things left forgotten, you will arrive at this new place. A place where you'll be free from the karma, and you'll be able to see what it was trying to teach you. And this will be a gift onto you, to then take and apply in all your relations around the world. As they'll be different from now on. There will be a deeper understanding of connection, and you'll respond from a higher place of wisdom and knowing.”
I'm busy writing about my first big love that I had at age 20. To go back even further, I grew up with a lack of connection and love in my life. Love was there, but I didn't feel it. I didn't open to receive it. I came into the world, unexpectedly, seven years after my brother. Since birth I had walked a path of solitude. It was just me on this long dusty road. So when this man walked into my life, I experienced something I've never experienced before. This meet brought up feelings and emotions I've never felt before. I didn't know what it was, where it came from, and what to do with it. What I did know was, it felt magical. And I tighten my grip around it, because I never wanted to let it go.
What I am discovering and seeing now, is that he mirrored something back to me that I already had inside myself. And now I know looking back at this experience, it tried to show me that then. That I know the true energy of love. It lives inside of me.
No one can create a feeling inside another person. It's humanly impossible!
We only feel, what we are! We can only feel what we are. We can only FEEL WHAT WE ARE!!!!
We can't feel what we are NOT.
And, no one can make me feel. PERIOD!
I, alone, can make myself feel. And what I was feeling, was coming from inside.
Yes, he inspired it. He ignited it. He reminded. He taught. He mirrored.
I felt it. Why? Because of my capacity to know love and recognize the energy of love, inside myself.
I didn't know this, then. Because I've never felt this before, and with the presence of this man in my life, I felt it. And so I immediately assumed that HE made me feel this GREAT. It simply can't be ME! I can't create such bliss alone... or can I?
I held him responsible for keeping me feel this great. LOVED. “Love me!” Keep making me feel this good!
And then, years later, I'm finally waking up to this realization that he was not, can not, and will never be responsible for such a thing.
I AM. I alone. I have always been, unknowingly. I made myself feel this GREAT, then. How amazing to know I have that capacity for feeling love, now, then, and anytime I choose to allow myself to feel it! Didn't see it then. Doh!
I repeat...Its humanly impossible to give someone a FEELING. No one can give me a feeling. I alone can give myself a feeling. So amazing that when we have an experience in life, and whomever we have it with, we associate that feeling with them. And we think “he GAVE me that.” I am amused at my life. Thank you. Keep em coming life...