Being Happy Today

Today as I'm sitting down looking over projects and opportunities for this year, a smile forms on my face. I pause for a moment to take that in. A breath filled with sweetness, rises and falls. I feel a change in the air. Something mystical has arrived. Or has always been. Just now with the openings happening in myself I am able to feel it's presence more. 
The past two years was tough in regards to work and love. Meaning there was a big lack of. And I'm sure the fear around a lack-of created more of the 'nothing' in my life. 
This is a great reference point for this shift I am feeling today. There is a shift happening, and I am sitting in the middle of it. Perhaps orchestrating it. The image that comes to mind is a big ocean ship starting it's engines and rudders. Slow and determined she begins to turn. And inside the bridge the big teakwood steering wheel spins clockwise, round and round. 

The boat gently starts to sway side to side, creaking a little, yet determined and steadfast. Creating waves that bounces of the sides of the boat, rippling far far out till they vanish over the horizon. Slow motions, yet big, with a power that surpasses the every day action. 

As I'm gazing towards the direction it's heading in, I find myself staring straight into the fire element, the bright sun nearing the horizon. Or is it the horizon nearing it? Birds flying across the sky creating cracks of black shadow in the sky. It reminds me of that titanic scene with Leo standing on the nose of the boat, arms spread wide,  palms facing forward and tilted upwards. Fingers reaching all the way to the sides of the earth. Big belly laughs that ripples from deep within. Wind blowing through my hair. And a feeling of anticipation. As something wonderful is about the happen. 
It's my time now. 
This year has my name written all over it. More expansion. Self Love. With my feet firmly rooted on this earth plane. Toes wrapped around the earth wrapping my roots around hers. Standing steady yet gently moving with the turning of the earth.
I am supported. I am deeply supported. I find myself sinking deeper into this connection. A softening in my bones. I am not living above her anymore. 
It's my time now. To harvest. To sow. To reap. 
To allow all I've worked so hard for to be rewarded and handed back to me. I am so excited for this life. It has always been mine. It will always be mine.  And mine alone. I know what's best for me. 
Solitude.
A gift I worked hard for. A place I get to commune with spirit, with my creativity and where I get to feel the true essence of love I have within me.
And in this place I find myself opening and letting the fun it. It's not just a thought anymore. The 'pushing away' and the 'being closed of' to the world and it's people is gone. I left it on top of yesterdays sun, while setting in the west. I don't need the isolation anymore. 
I have a tremendously deep love for my friends, and this community that I call my true family. I have fallin' in love with my life. 
I have found joy in the present moment. Something I've been wanting for a very long time. And in this place I realized that I am not willing to give up anything for love. I love this life. I love LA. I love my family. I am here to stay. South Africa will always be there. SA was my deep longing because I was unhappy in myself, and blaming LA for it. I don't know what the future holds. I do know it will be filled with self love, equality, teaching, and deeply connected to self.
It is so interesting how we can have a desire or a longing for so long, just to wake up one day, and it being all gone. It means that longing or desire or want was not something from the heart, it was coming from a place of lack. 
A place of lack inside myself, and with a hope that something outside can fill that. And today that longing is gone. I feel fulfilled, happy, and at peace. It's a very powerful place to sit in. There is nothing to attain, or do. I am full. There is just this moment. And oh, so sweet she feels. 

Relationships

What is this need? Today I question this tiny voice inside my head.

Is there truly a need for someone outside of me? I find myself in a familiar longing again. It's on the surface though. Can it be that I feel I need to be like everyone else, and long for a normal life? Where one is in relationship, and building a family and grow old together?

I'm worried others will judge me, because I judge and question my desire for solitude. “Shouldn't I desire being in a relationship or in a family situation”? In those times I forget who I truly am, and make other people's opinions and truths my own. I get caught up in the pursuit for connection. And every now and then something grabs me by the collar and pulls me back into reality.

I am not that. I am not that. I am not that.

I don't fit into society in this way. Thank god for that. I don't have a strong desire to be in relationship. This is my truth. I am deeply content with my life. I feel balanced. I feel whole. I am a being with everything I need inside me. I love my freedom. I love the energetic space I create for myself and reside in.

And so today I question this need that I feel at times. It's not real. It's actually quite small. Barely existing. Where do you come from? What is it that you would like to express to me today? I'm give you your moment in the spotlight now. Shining a big light onto you. Speak to me, and then off you go to another place far far away, where you belong.

I am the creation of balance. Masculine and feminine resides inside me. I fulfill my existence by showing up for the one inside. I follow my own dreams and my own hearts desires. I create ample space to fulfill those desires. And it's not being self centered, as it's more centered in self, and so centered in existence and its people.

It's called freedom. Freedom to be. Freedom to express. Freedom to walk where my path takes me. To run wild and high on life. To savor the beauty of belonging to the world.

I was in a relationship with a wonderful man for a few months. It didn't last long, as I started feeling caged in. He wasn't caging me in. It was I realizing I don't fit into his dream of us being together. What he wanted, is not who I am. For most people's desires, its the most beautiful life he promised. Having a family, doing things together, kids, a home etc.

I am not that.

And so I question this experience and wanting to see what it was trying to teach/show me.

This small voice inside me, this need I still have at times to be with a man, has brought this on.

And so as I let go of this need to belong to something other than myself. The world opens, and I will see connections and relationships with everything and everyone around me. Fulfilling connections, without needing to give up anything about myself, or my freedom. I've never truly been a relationship type person. I reside happily in solitude.

So in giving up the need for connection, it will usher in a ton more connections, true connections. Connections that enhance my life, not take away anything I care about. Relationships that I can share myself in, and stand in the place of solitude, within it. Now that feels more true to my heart. I am accepting who I am more and more. I allow the judgements to burn away with each sunny day. Purifying my mind of confusion, so I can remember I am uniquely different.

And who I am and how I feel is important. Even when I stand alone. 

Solitude

I'm standing at the bluffs in Santa Monica, over looking the ocean and the Santa Monica pier. A notice a feeling comes over me, carried in by the wind. A feeling from a memory of long ago. A day in the year 2000, just after my arrival in America, with all of my belongings, to start a whole new life with a man I was madly in love with at the time. We were standing on this exact same spot 14 years ago, gazing over the ocean and sand. I was so young then. 21 years old, and I had no idea what I wanted to make of this life. 

All I knew was I was searching for love. This man I looked up to was my ticket to just that. I looked up to him in so many ways. He was my first real big love. I travelled across the world to be with him. We spend a year apart in a long distance relationship, and I eventually moved out to be with him. I remember how beautiful everything looked in Santa Monica. The street signs were so big, the trees so beautiful, and the people so different. 

I remembered a fine Saturday afternoon.  After we had a few drinks, we decided to rollerblade down to the Santa Monica pier. Of course I've only been on rollerblades maybe twice in my life at the time, and it wasn't a good sight! The road leading to the pier was all downhill. And I went for it. Speeding down, fearlessly and invincible. Just like I felt arriving on this new ground. Nothing else mattered to me at the time. I was in love. 

Close to the pier I started swirling around and fell to the ground in a big dramatic mess. I guess alcohol must be a painkiller as I don't recall feeling bruised from this magnificent fall. I had scars to show, yet, no pain! Laughingly I got up and continued down hill, as if the fall never happened. This was a great indication of my state of mind at the time. Careless and free. 

It was some of the best times of my life. The world was ours to entertain. 

That was the foundation of our 6 year long relationship. Adventure, play and social. 

I wish I was able to let go and enjoy, completely. I did for parts of our time together, yet I wasn't able to fully surrender and trust. The voices in my head were very loud at the time. I used to look at him and admired how he navigated through life, effortlessly, playfully and trusting. I want that! I've always wanted that! He gave me love, and I was just too afraid to receive.  I just couldn't trust it. 

And so this intention started for me. To let go and let life move through me. Let go. Open arms. Open heart. Free falling! It was such a foreign concept for me at the time. To let go and trust. 

He met life with an unwavering strength and confidence. He believed he could do anything. As an actor, he never doubted his ability to learn a new skill and master it. That confidence was super attractive and inspiring. Sadly through the years of being together I kept feeling smaller and smaller next to him. I didn't had it in me to sustain the ground I stood on. My focus was on him. I needed validation, and my family and friends were too far to get that from them. So I made him responsible for my happiness, my worth and feeling loved. 

There was love between us.  And I'm realizing today, the exchange was off. We lived high on our addictions. We weren't able to sustain joy and love inside ourselves. We partied and socialized in the Hollywood scene. The last two years of our togetherness I started pulling away from that scene. I felt the need to find healing. To find balance. I was gone. I lost myself in the desperate need to belong to something or someone other than myself. 

It was a very painful split for us both. It was one of the most incredible experiences in my life and also the most painful. The relationship was filled with extremities. It was a wild ride. One I will do again and again and again, even knowing it broke my heart. I remember something he said then. The pain is the reward from being truly in love. It showed us how deep our love runs. How strong our connection was. How special our relationship was. And that stuck with me and will forever. 

The pain made me realize, even through the fear of abandonment, I did love. There was beauty between us. There was innocence between us. There were two people connected as best friends and enjoying life, grabbing every opportunity there was to live life to the fullest. It was a playground. 

I wasn't able to deal with all the pain after our split. And as one do, we burry the pain. We forget. We think we deal. We do cry, we feel, we release, and still, you burry some of it. Like a dog burry a bone, just this, not so much fun to uncover. I know  now that letting go of the pain, doesn't mean letting go of him, or the good times.  The memories and that time of my life will only get brighter and more beautiful as I let the pain go. It's like letting go to truly have. To truly honor this magical time we had. And will always have deep inside my heart. 

This man brought me to LA. Where would I be today if I'd never taken that plane to LA 14 years ago? What I've learnt in this relationship, what I've studied throughout the past 14 years, and the teacher I've become is such a fulfilling exchange. And most of all, it gave me solitude. 

It gave me the gift of solitude. 

I've overcome my fear of being alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Solitude is the place where I get to love myself without any distractions. The place I get to create, and hear spirits voice. The place I get to connect with spirit undisturbed. The comfort I've discover in solitude is the most grandest gift life can ever offer anyone. It empowers you and lifts you up to a whole new dimension. It opens you to experience life through an expanded reality. If one can be comfortable in a place of solitude, one has arrived. This is where life truly begins. 

In the end the most important things in life are only experienced alone. Birth, death, our connection to God, our creative expression, and self love. So for this gift I am forever grateful to you. Thank you for being in my life for 6 years, riding a roller coaster to the extreme.  It sculpted my life and left me changed forever. I understand why I had to walk this path with you. Each lesson. Every tear. Every belly laugh. I get it in totality. 

Now as I'm ushering in a new way of being in the world and in relationships, I have found myself inside a relationship. I am not lost. I am deeply and fully connected to myself, in solitude, and at the same time, sharing myself. 

I find myself in solitude within myself and in relationship with the world. It's called BALANCE 

I love how life is like a puzzle and each experience and moment is there for a very important reason. I get it. I get life mostly when I stand back and gaze over my journey and see how it all fits. Sometimes during a certain experience I don't get it, and as much as I don't get it, I'm beginning to trust that at the right time I will. 

Love Concussion

Love seemed to have knocked on my door and this time I opened. It came in silently with a force that hit so hard it gave me a heart concussion.

It spun me round and round till it dropped me on to a foreign land. I don't recognize where I'm at. Yet it feels like home. I am home in a foreign land. I see Impressions of what's to come written in a language from an earlier time.

A longing has been answered. I've never felt so lost and joyful at the same time. This type of lost I welcome with open arms. Lost in the deeper layers of my heart. A falling into love. I finally gave up the fight to resist this beauty from flowing in. It came unannounced, even in the face of anticipation. It came and re-arranged my life.

Spinning. I'm spinning. I will have to see in which direction the arrow will face once the turning, round and round comes to a halt.

This one is a game changer. Can I permit the player inside to play in this new game of enchantment and bliss? And forget about the agendas the smaller one has in store? I feel it's confusion pressing against my heart.

Life has brought me what I've longed for my whole life. A contract in you, I see. Bound together by a love that is much greater than us. Something magnetized us towards each other, and so, here we stand.

Facing each other. What do one do when your biggest wish arrived after thirty four years of longing?

A whisper in my ear. "Receive it, you're ready!" Is what I hear...

Paralyzed by its beauty and power. So deeply fulfilling to the eyes of mine. I know you. Intimately. From forever, till now, and into eternity.

I am receiving you standing here before me. Receiving you in your magnitude. Stay grounded I desperately try to remind myself. Or may I float into the clouds, and enjoy this package at my doorstep? Enjoy this newfound beauty for a moment or two? Letting go of my grip of what should be done. Let go and feel. Let go and receive. Let go and allow. Just let go.

I welcome each tear, each heartache, each lonely hour, each painful encounter for it prepared me for you. I have become the love I see before me. Meeting, merging in equality.

 Am I awake in my own dream?

The space you're creating in this union, will guide me into deep, deep surrender. Towards a love that I've never experienced before. A love that is so big, I will get lost in it. This love will demand my ego to surrender. There is no choice.

I missed you. I have always loved you. Welcome home inside my heart!

Letter From Africa

This journey in Africa is well on its way. I find myself back at the place where life started for me. With a feeling of being in the middle of another life. This one belongs to me, and then there is Los Angeles.

The culture here is so different, yet so familiar. It doesn't take much for me to remember a life I used to be part of. A culture I help created with my presence. My roots in Africa will always be deeply engrained inside me. It is where life started for me. Where I took my first breath. Received my first ray of sunlight. Placed my first footprint, wobbly I may ad. My first experience of many more things to repeat.

I've been living in America almost half my life! And it made me realize how foreign I feel. Do I belong in Africa? Do I belong in America? That has always been the search for me. A place to belong. And in my search I have realize we don't belong to a place or a person. We belong to ourselves. It is here, inside where we can feel we are home. When we truly feel at home inside, we are free. Home is where the heart is. For a long time I have lost my heart, perhaps left it in Africa and kept walking further and further away from it. And now I'm starting to see it has always been here. All I needed to do was allow it to beat on it's own rhythm. The more I tried to fit in somewhere the more I felt lost and isolated. The more encounters I have experienced that tried to wake me up to this realization. I am home. I have always been home.

It all feel so foreign and deeply familiar at the same time. And today I have the power to be happy, no matter where in the world. No matter with or without people around. There is no difference for me. The place of power is feeling deep in my heart, that I have no need for anything external to feel whole or loved or at home.

I still have these moments of old behaviors, and then I remember I am here today. I am not that of yesterday. And today I am at home inside my heart.

Ah, and then there is this question that is always in the background. Am I going to return to this land again one day? Her calling doesn't seem to go away. Is this call an addiction to an older life I can't part with? Or is this the call of the land, giving me a glimpse of what's to come?

A three sixty. A journey that took me away from Africa, to find myself, so I can return and be the woman I've given up long long ago, and have been in search of since then.

Did I really had to leave, to discover her?

And so today I see a life filled with freedom. Freedom to be. Freedom to express. Freedom to love and be loved.

Can it be that simple? A choice. I get to choose freedom.

I want to feel free has been my cry for most my life. Can it be that all I needed to realize is that I am free.

This journey is bringing lots of changes through external influences. A sudden shift in direction. New ideas and glimpses of what's to come. Connecting the dots from my life. Seeing how each experience and encounter is taking me somewhere. Preparing me for the next thing. And the next thing. And the next.

This might be the first visit to Africa where I feel I am not depended of another to feel happy. I get to choose how I want to spend my day. Instead of waiting for others to complete my day. I don't feel a need for much. I'm not planning too much. I'm just here. I get to work. To rest. To meditate. To social. To write. To see family. To be alone. To exercise. I see how I can continue to work without being in the states physically. It's showing me my future. A gift. An offering to still my worry. And my nagging mind of needing to understand everything of the future today.

It shows me what I need to know today. So now I'm practicing knowing that is all I need to know. And so as this journey continues across the world, filled with journeys outward and inward. Who is with me? 

Travelling

I'm watching the world around me in full devotion. Scenes passing me by one by one, while gazing out the car window. Just like the journey of our lives always moving from one place to the next. And if you choose to stand still for a moment, you too can watch the scenes of your life pass you by. 

I realize this trip is a clearing for my soul. I love how you choose to do something for one reason, and as you begin your journey, the real reason appears. 

There is something magical about driving. Something opens in me. There is a freedom that takes over. Perhaps a stepping away from routine and things that must be done. And instead allowing space for new creations. I notice my mind drifting like a river on a rainy day.

My eyes are making love with the scenery all around. A merging with and giving of self. No holding back. In this new found awareness and presence I begin to view this moment from a different seat. It's as if I added a wider lens, capturing the sky on a cloudless day. 

And in this place I barely feel the tires on the road. Am I still driving? Have I ever been in the drivers seat, truly? Watching life through gods window brings out the true colors of you and I. 

A view over the earth plane and beyond. This life is so big. Do you see it too? My life is so big. Can I allow myself to see it? This road, this journey, these gifts and this purpose. When viewing life from this place, all that is visible is truth. The truth as I wrote it long ago for this day. 

Now not only do I see sceneries around me flash me by, I also begin to see images from my earlier life flashing before me. I see opportunities. I see grace everywhere and the touch of spirits hand in the making of my life.

I see things I take for granted. Big things.

Accomplishments that others may only dream of and never pursue because it's not their journey this time. Yet it is mine. And I need to own these incredible gifts. I created them.

I don't have to question who I am. I know. 
I don't have to question why I lived the life I've led. I know. 
I don't have to question where I'm going. I know.

I see the outline of my life with clarity. I understand.

I see how this section of my life, becoming a woman with an open heart, is bringing me so many discoveries. So many tears with every let go of a painful memory or person. I am becoming deeply intimate with each moment on this journey, towards the woman I am meant to be. So when I arrive at this point of wholeheartedness, deep vulnerability and trust. It is then when I get to guide the other women towards the beauty of their hearts. I know that is why this process is taking it sweet sweet time. I am becoming intimate with these teachings. 

Is this truly my life? A life of experiencing, and feeling a broad spectrum of existences in one? So I get to relay the message? 

Is this why I am alive? To experience, then share that message? 

I'm sitting with a mixture of feelings, an overwhelming sense of joy and deep deep sadness. They both seem to co-exist in every moment of my day. The smallest thing can make me shed buckets full of tears. A beautiful sunset. A homeless man sitting on the sidewalk all alone. 

To every women out there: 

I understand you. I get you. I feel you. I see you. 

Your pain. Your sadness. Your anger. Your conviction. Your fight for what is right. 

I share this with you. I have walked in your shoes. I have seen through your eyes. 

To stare death in the face. Die of a broken heart. Feeling alone. To fear for your life. To be abused and disrespected. To stand alone for what you believe. Feeling deeply confused. Feeling lost in this big vast world. To have no friends. To part ways with ones you love. To feel deep pain and sorrow. To give up and loose faith. To have to start over again. And again, and again. To say goodbye. Again, and again, and again. 

And today the starting over is not so much on the outside, it's happening more on the inside. The saying goodbye happens less and less on the outside, and more on the inside. 

So I am finally learning how to transmute karma internally so my external life doesn't constantly change and shift to keep up with the new me. I look forward to sharing this journey and teachings with you soon. It will be that moment, that will set me free from this question. The question that comes and haunts me every other dark night. 

“Why me?” 
“Why am I experiencing life walking through the shadow and the mystery?” 
When you show up, I will know, it was all worth it.

What Do You Choose?

Today ushered in a shift in the way I choose to live my life. I have walked a thousand miles on this earth plane, seeking for something I thought i needed in this life to survive. 

To be all I can be. Something from someone that I valued higher than my own worth. If only I can do this, and this and this, then perhaps I can become that. We are driven by the unconscious more than the conscious and we choose, unknowingly to live closed of to a life that can offer us more than we can ever imagine. 
Or think we deserve. A shift in reality happens when we get to see a glimpse of the truth of our lives. As if for a moment we earned the right to see a lil deeper into this life, and are able to recognize where we are stuck. And not living according to our expansion of our birthright. 

How much am I worth? As much value as you place on me? How much should I work for this worth? What do I need to give up in exchange for this number placed on my worth? Do I honor another's opinion above my own? Fascinating that we choose to trust another above our own heart. Who we claim to be is what another validate you by. 
Until the day arrive where you choose differently. Where you change the order of your life. Where you realize what you see is what you create for yourself from the inside. What you believe is what you allow yourself to believe. Is it true? Is it your truth? What is your truth? Truly? Who am I? And what am I worth? without the labeling or validation of another? I get to choose what I am worth. And what would that be? 
I choose to stand in my power and allow life to bring me what I am inside. And what I see around me is truly beautiful. I am that I see around me. 

Today I expressed my truth, knowing it might create hurt in another. And create a freedom in myself. Why did I choose to do this? Cos I am worth it. I am worth standing up for love. I am done with this story that run my life for 30 some years. Driven by guilt and fear. It doesn't serve me anymore. It has never served me. What serves me now is loving what is, and stop waiting for another to proof I am worth the love I am. 
I choose to only carry what belongs to me. I choose to abort working hard for love or give anything up for love. As I am the vibration of love. No need to work or become to receive love in return. I am filled with love. The value I am is what I treasure and what I see with clarity and I fill my existence with my own presence and know I am. I am. I am. I exist. 

Thank you for teaching me the value of love. The value of what I am. I know now deep in my heart love doesn't expect you to work hard for it. Or give up a part of you for it. If love wants to show up, let it merge with the love inside. An equal exchange. No pull or tugs in power. 

No more guilt trips, no more games, no more confusion. No more carrying another's pain. No more working hard for love. No more giving away of my precious energy. Only those who treasure and give will also receive. 
What I have is who I give to those who are willing to meet me. It is a continual flow of energy. A give and receive.

BEING VULNERABLE

A journey one can only achieve by the ‘act’ of non doing.

Can one trust enough to step away from this place of controlled existence?

A place alive in the mind space only. A place of illusions and confusions.

Stepping into an eternal space of vulnerability where time doesn’t exist.

This I gift myself with. An experience one can only attain through the absence of the tainted mind.

An experience ushering in an opportunity to receive.

To receive what is visible in front of me.

What is it I see before me?

Not what do I want to see.

Or what I think I see.

Or what I see through the veil of my own life’s experiences.

Life experiences that clutter my vision and distort my receptivity.

What do I truly see before me? Who are you? Who are you underneath the surface of this life?

 Let me close my eyes, to truly to see you.  Receive you.

In your magnitude and honor.

Scarred on your journey through life, yet illuminating brilliance.

Can I dare permit myself to look fully, and completely into you?

The immensity of your soul. The expansion of your heart.

A lifetime of experiences shining through your eyes. Underneath the layers of your existence.

Where your soul sits untainted by life. An expression of your whole life, summed up into this glimpse of existence.

It speaks loudly of your whole life right before my eyes. This moment. Right here before me.

 What do I see before me?

Before me you stand, consuming the moment.

Mesmerizing. Captivating.

In to you I dare to see. I see only that in you, I am inside.

In to me I see. Vulnerable. Exposed to life I am.

Courageously. Bare naked.

I dare myself to stay open,

even when my mind ties me into knots.

Even if for a moment I choose to give up my power,

loosing myself in the illusion of my tainted mind.

And so I continue to drop layer after layer.

One false barrier after another.

So I get to meet a place of deep exposure.

A place of intimate expression.

Raw. Open. Vulnerable

Standing empty, completely and fully, me.

Do I stand alone?

’m projecting a dream into the world, too big to carry alone.
A desire to make a difference in this life is growing stronger by the day.


What if our dreams can make a difference in this world?
And what if I alone, stand up for what I believe in?


It won’t be the first time.
Today I find myself in a familiar longing.

A memory slipped through the cracks from a very long time ago.
Sharing more of my souls journey, mapping older lives across the ancient.

Back to a time listening to the resonance of my voice over a sea of people.
Passionately sharing wisdom through my heart.


Allowing it to fall on every soul ready to hear.
My hands are small and my feet are creating tiny footprints on this earth plane.

Who am I to speak of peace and teach others about love?
What do I know about love? What do I know about peace?
One can only long for something that has been experienced before.


I have been the essence of the creation of love.
What made me choose to disconnect from it?

Perhaps a resolution written in my own handwriting since the beginning of time.I am here to help humanity find the path towards freedom and liberation.

A place of hope filled with the energy of life and birth.
If one asks for such a big reason to come to this earth plane.
One must be handed a life that can push you towards this purpose.


If I resided in the fullness of love since the beginning of my life,
Would I have desired to lend a helping hand in creating a new world?

To stand up against oppression?
To speak up against violence and abuse of any form?


Something is stirring inside me. I’m waking up.
Revealing a life underneath this life.


Revealing a determination and resolution that has stood since before the beginning of time.


The truth is inside this pain I feel deep inside my heart.
The beliefs I fought for, lives I fought for, and wars I fought in.

Tears falling onto this dusty road next to my bare feet.
Cracks in the earth, sculpted all the way to the horizon.


Heat bouncing off spiraling into the air, making the road look even more deserted.

I have walked a thousand miles across existence, walking side by side with death, towards a freedom we are all destined to partake in.


And so today I watch, as the wheels are turning on this dirt road.
Circling round and round. Circling from beginning to end.

Ending back at the beginning.
The beginning now experienced in a new awareness.


Standing at the same place where I started,
Only now, seeing it for the first time.


Our lives lead us through a journey over the same lonesome dirt road.
If you look closely you might see familiar footprints underneath the cracks in the earth.

Ancient wisdom poring to the surface from an existence lived in honor.
Only love endures. Love remembers. Love recognizes the journey.


And recognizes the ones we meet along the path, over and over again.
Do I stand alone, this time around?

I am you and you am I.
Connected together through love and memory.

With you around, I know I will never stand alone.

Let go to find

My body is like the wind, moving with the sight of hope.

Hope and possibility, in a world where hopelessness resides.

In a world where freedom is not always a choice.

In a world where pain sometimes leads the way.

My life that I embody is a vehicle in which change can be a reality.

Birthing from the womb of our mother, beautiful nature itself.

I witness myself dropping into a heightened feeling state.

Now fully immersed into the moment, I am open.

Open to stand up for the hopeless and speechless.

With each life receiving breath I fold even deeper into myself.

Dissolving into her. Finding new ways to bring peace to the world.

She is crying abuse.

I can feel her tears inside mine.

Or is it I crying for her?

A knowing so tangible I can taste it.

Touching the untouchable with my gaze from within.

Here I stand.

Watching. I am watching. Participating in this destructive flow of life.  

An act of desperation. No more abuse. This mother, creator of life, is dying.

It is not a question of what I can do.

It is more a question of how can I embody the divine feminine that is needed to heal this world?

Become the ointment.

Live the message.

Voice the truth.

Experiencing life from a place of being.

Become that which we want to see around us.

Slow down.

Embody peace.

Embody her.

Embody YOU, the real you.

Just be.

Be OPEN

I offer myself to receptivity, in honor of my divine mother.

And all the mothers in the world and the world itself.

Time to stop thinking. Time to be guided by the untainted feelings in my heart.

Leading myself safely through the mystery of her tender embrace.

Allow beauty to rise up and heal.

Allow existence to embody her.

She is the ointment for scars unattended.

Can we allow ourselves to merge with her?

Open to her? Become that part of her, that we are inside?

A turning point.

Discovery of oneness through connection.

Independence through sharing.

Discovering solitude through loneliness.

Silence through communication.

Trust through fear.

Love through illusions.

Just close your eyes.

Let go, to find.